A student topples your favorite coffee mug, causing the handle to break off. A colleague reverses into your parked car, putting a dent in the passenger door. Your principal verbally chastises you for a matter in front of several other colleagues. Wherever we might be, situations always seem ripe for an offense……that’s if we let them.
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Would you believe that the inspiration for writing this post came from my recent personal struggle with an offense I didn’t even realize I was holding? After some soul searching, it was brought to light for what it was….pure unforgiveness.
Of course, I thought I had all the right to stay angry and feel offended, after all, I did nothing wrong, at least that’s how it played out in my mind. This feeling of offense was eating me up and I KNEW IT! I had to nip it in the bud.
Forgiveness involves letting go of the urge for revenge and getting rid of negative thoughts of bitterness and anger. However, does it mean forgetting about the offense or treating the person the same as before? Well, let’s not confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. That’s a matter for another post.
Although it seems hard to do, there are practical steps we can take to make forgiveness a reality. Besides it being a biblical command (forgive so that you are forgiven) why should we forgive others, especially when they are the ones who may have wronged us? Well, truthfully, there are several good reasons why this is necessary.
- Forgiveness is a PRINCIPLE of life. This means that forgiveness works, and it works in our favor no matter the circumstances. Forgiving others ensures we’ll enjoy the same.
When we decide to forgive someone who has offended us and keep applying forgiveness, soon our emotions will line up with our decision and we will begin to experience peace of mind. Honestly though, this may take longer for some people.
- Forgiveness is for our PROTECTION. I know it’s hard to believe, but forgiving others for the wrong they have done to you protects you emotionally and physically.
Some studies have shown that dwelling in unforgiveness over a period could bring about poorer health. This is why forgiveness has been associated with reduced stress, less negative emotion, fewer cardiovascular difficulties, and improved immune system performance. Wow! Forgive and live a healthier life? That’s a good deal if I ever heard one.
- Forgiveness ensures continued PROGRESS. In order to experience healthier relationships we must relinquish past hurts. Holding on to grudges anchors us in the past and inhibits us from moving on to enjoy positive relationships.
Unforgiveness causes us to ruminate on the offense, consuming valuable, productive thinking time. Dwelling on it can unconsciously cause us to project the same ill feeling towards others.
As educators, we can provide a wonderful example for students and for our colleagues by forgiving. By witnessing our ability to absolve others, they may learn not to harbor resentment over the ways they may have been treated by others. Can you imagine how harmonious our schools communities would be?
We must remember though that forgiveness is not a feeling; it’s a choice. You see, the memory of what others have done to you may come back to mind even after you’ve forgiven them.
So what do you do then? Simple! Choose in that moment to forgive them. In fact, you can say, “Right now I choose to forgive _____.” We must keep doing it until we’ve taken my three-year old daughter’s advice to “Let it go! Let it go! Can’t hold it back anymore.” Yup, she’s a Frozen, Disney movie lover.
Whether in or out of the classroom, let’s choose to forgive. After all, we teach what we know but we duplicate who we are. So, let’s become teacher practitioners who consistently forgive.
Leave a comment: How do you handle someone who has offended you? What successes have you experienced with forgiving others?
Honestly it depends on whether I feel vested in the person or not ( harsh I know). If I’m not vested I try as much as possible to limit future interactions with them. But if I’m vested in mantaining a relationship with the individual I take some time to mull over how I should voice my displeasure in regards to the offense and then address it.
On one occasion I had the opportunity to forgive someone who wronged me of something I thought I would never be able to forgive them for. At the time of the hurt I was consumed by rehearsing the wrong continuously. But when I made the decision to forgive them. I felt free, unrestricted liberated. Even though it took years later for them to admit their part in the hurt, it was fine for me because I had already released it and let it go. I was no longer in bondage to harbouring unforgiveness.
Kendia, thanks for pointing out the need to assess the value we have on the relationship at stake. Of course, we should forgive without reservations, but for those with whom we have a vested interest in a relationship we should take it a step further. Thanks!
Hmmmm…To forgive the unforgiving deeds of others is rather difficult yet plausible. It’s a continued challenge for me as it requires me to execute my vulnerability in order to accept the actions of others that have somewhat offended me or harm me.
I usually combat this most difficult task by reflecting on a specific scripture. You see, I ask myself what would Jesus want me to do or what would I want others to do if I was the offender. The Word of God asks us to love unconditionally but how can we if we cant forgive? It’s just that simple…. We surrender our life to Jesus to the extent that when we abide in Christ, he loves others through us. We can endure rejection because Jesus is the vine that sustains us. His love heals our hurts and supplies the strength we need to keep going. Hence we can forgive.
I’ve proven this true in so many ways and I know its because of my commitment to please God that I become vulnerable and let it all go. I am constantly reminded through my students on the power of forgiveness through their actions…..children get upset with each other and dislike each other everyday before my eyes, but by the end of the day they are hugging and smiling.
I’m not saying that when we forgive others we too must hug and kiss but we must shake it off and promote peace; prevent stress and preserve your life. Its just that simple!
Let us live a life that encourages us to promote peace, inspire progress, protect our souls and profit others..You see, when we forgive everyone wins!
Thanks for sharing the strategy that you use when dealing with forgiveness. Reflecting on scripture and taking someone else’s perspective is very helpful. Thanks Deanna!
Excellent piece Sharmane! You have a way of selecting timely topics and expounding on them with a simplicity that captures the reader’s interest.
Imagine just how harmonious the ‘world’ would be if we learned how to forgive each other. I just recently had a conversation with a close relative about forgiving and ‘letting go’.
As you mentioned, this is not an easy process and truly is a ‘choice’ you have to make on your own. Personal experience has taught me that the burden of an offence is never truly lifted until you whole-heartedly forgive the offender.
I am reminded of a story shared with me through an e-mail. The shortened version is that when you carry around an offence that was committed against you, it is like walking around with a sack of rotting potatoes on your back. We all know that a sack of potatoes is rather heavy and I believe that most of us have smelled rotting potatoes. So imagine having a heavy sack of rotting potatoes on your back continuously. It will certainly be heavy and smell especially awful! Others would avoid your presence. The story illustrates what happens when we carry unforgiveness around with us constantly – we become burdened down and we begin to ‘stink’ to those around us. So we need to ‘let it go’ and learn to forgive.
My personal mantra has always been that I try not to offend people as best as I can. However, if a person feels they have been hurt by me or if they start demonstrating an ‘attitude’ toward me …I am never too big to ask if I have offended or to say, ‘ I am sorry, please forgive me’.
Thanks Liesl! I’m glad you enjoyed this post. Forgiveness can be hard work.
I really love the imagery you painted with the sack of potatoes story……so true!
I have been battling this issue of forgiveness for a while now. Its very personal and very hard to deal with. I’m not going to lie to you I’m truly struggling. However, I know my God whom I love and trust a great deal will bring me through. Thank you.
Thanks for your openness Remelda. Forgiveness is not for the faint of heart but it surely brings peace and freedom. I’m glad that you have chosen to work through your situation. It will be worth it!
WOW! Out of the mouth of babes …… This is truly an amazing blog that offers a powerful, thought-provoking view of forgiveness Dr. Miller. Forgiveness – FOR OUR PROTECTION. Such an interesting statement, as many would believe that forgiveness is simply saying “I’m sorry” or even giving someone another chance. However, forgiveness does not only benefits the “receiver” but also benefits the “giver.” It releases weight off our hearts and our physical bodies that protects and supports our well being!
Food for much thought here Dr. Miller!